


change

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Going to Hell, M/M, Other, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 07:07:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: One wrong move, and everything changed.





	1. reason

**Author's Note:**

> yep so i cant really write and i know this is shitty af so i hope no one will ever read this  
> also sorry for mistakes usfhgsihfbdusjhdfbs

_Stan's POV_

It seems like forever, since I talked to Kyle. We used to be best friends, and honestly, even after six years, I still think about him a lot.

It suddenly changed. In 4th grade. I thought it's going to be a normal day, but it was the worst of my life.

I arrived at school - almost late. I wanted to talk to my best friend before class, but the school bell ringed, ruining my plans. It didn't stop me though, I took my seat and looked behind me to see Kyle. I just opened my mouth to say something when he started staring at me angrily. 

'' Something happened? '' I asked, and it was an instant regret. His stare started to become sadder, and I wanted to ask one more time, but Mr. Garrison interrupted me, by starting the lesson.

I can't say what really happened after that. I just stopped, I don't know why. I felt like Kyle didn't want to talk, so I tried to understand and didn't ever go after him since he was running away every time we got too close. And that was the biggest mistake I made.

Since then, he stopped talking to me. I didn't understand. I wanted to fix him somehow, but Kenny said it's a bad idea. I thought he will stop after a week. But then, a month passed, the whole grade passed, six years passed. And now here I am - the worst best friend you could think of. Trying to know what happened six years ago with Kyle, because I still can't forget about him.

* * *

I'm in front of the school, with Kenny. Kyle is now in a different class than us, so we decided to wait until he'll finish classes.

'' Do you think It's really going to work? '' I ask, looking nervously at Kenny.

'' How should I know? It was your idea and I'm here to push you because you wouldn't do it alone, '' he answers and smirks.

'' That's probably right. ''

I'm shaking a little from stress, and after a few seconds, I see him. Kyle is so close to us that I'm frozen, and as Kenny said - he pushes me. I almost fall into Kyle, but somehow I manage to balance. He stares at me shocked, and I try to say something, but I'm kinda still frozen.  
  


'' Uh, sorry... '' Kyle says, then tries to walk away, but I catch his hand.  
  
'' Can we talk? '' I finally ask, even if I feel like my throat is squeezed.

'' I don't ha- '' He tries to finish, but I place my other hand on his lips, covering them so he can't say anything else.

'' Please, just five minutes. '' 

After a few seconds, he removes my hand and sighs but finally decides to go with me. I quickly look at Kenny, who's smiling and walking away. We finally get further from school, and I'm shaking. I'm really pretty fucking stressed right now, and I feel like every word I want to say is wrong, and he will just go away.

'' So, what do you want? '' Kyle asks, as I can't say anything, and stares at me sadly.

'' I wondered... I know we're not talking a lot, uh... Okay, maybe we're not talking at all, but I wanted to ask, could you come over, like, right now? Just, for this one time, I know you probably don't want to, but it's very important and I feel like I have so much to say and- '' I try to finish but my throat squeezes again and I just look at him with the hope he understood.

After a couple of seconds, Kyle sighs and finally nods. I'm still holding his hand, but it seems like he doesn't mind that. After a few minutes of silent, we're finally at my doorsteps. My parents are home, but I've warned them not to interrupt me, so as we enter, they don't say anything. Even if so, they're still kind of shocked about me bringing Kyle to our home since the last time was six years ago. I try to act normal so I smile at them and I let Kyle's hand free. We go to my room, and I lock it.

'' So, what do you want to talk about, Stan? '' he asks, and I smile just because of hearing him say my name.

'' This sounds stupid, I know, but I really miss you. I know it's been six years, and, I know I should've talked to you earlier, but... '' 

'' Stan, don't. '' he interrupts me, and I don't really understand what is he saying. '' I know these, uh, six years... We didn't talk. And, I also know, you probably don't have a clue why. '' 

I nod when he leans on my desk and continues.

'' I had... a problem. With our friendship. And, uh, as you probably can see, I changed. Because of that problem. '' he sighs and I see how his cheeks are getting more and more red, '' So, uh, I panicked. And, I wanted to kind of isolate myself from people. But it didn't work. '' 

'' I still don't know why though... '' I say, getting a little closer to him.

'' So the main reason was that, uhh... ''  he stares at the floor, '' I kind of discovered that I'm gay, but first I thought about it as about something that just disappears after some time. But, uh, well, it didn't really work like that, so I've felt weird. ''  
  
'' And that's the reason you just left your friends for fucking six years? ''  I ask irritated at him.  
  
'' Listen. It wasn't the reason. I've got used to it after some time, and we were still friends, but the problem showed up when I've, uhh.. ''  he stops for a while, then sighs and continues, '' discovered that I'm in love with you. '' 

I immediately open my eyes wider as I hear his words.  
  
'' So I didn't know what to do. I decided to isolate myself from all of you, just in case. I wondered you won't accept it... and that it will ruin our friendship, since it kind of ruined my relationships with family. ''

I stare at him shocked, with my throat squeezed again. I see as he grins.  
  


''But well, trying not to ruin a friendship, that was the reason. And it turned out I would ruin it either way. ''  
  


I am still confused about his words, so I'm not saying anything. He looks at me and stops smiling.  
  


'' Well, it seems like you know everything. Can I go now? '' he asks after a few seconds.  
  


'' So you want to tell me... You left me, because once you thought you're in love with me, instead of just telling the truth? '' I ask confused and sad, trying to keep him here.

'' Actually, yes. But it's over, yeah? So it doesn't matter. I told you the truth, now I can go, so can you please unlock the door? ''

'' I still miss you, Kyle. It may be nothing to you, but last six years I was thinking about you every fucking day, and I can't stop. '' 

'' I don't want it to happen again. I don't want friends - and especially not you. '' 

'' You can't just isolate from people... ''

'' Yes, I can, and you have completely nothing to do with it, so now unlock the door. ''

'' No, Kyle, '' I tell him, and move closer, so after a few seconds, I can hug him. I lay my head on his shoulder and I feel like I am about to cry. '' I don't want you to ruin your life because of that, I want you to be happy, I still want this friendship. '' I say after another couple of seconds. 

'' I changed, you've changed, it's not like you can just make everything like before, Stan. ''

I sigh and move away. My eyes are wet and I'm still about to cry, but then I just unlock the door and watch as Kyle leaves the room. Just after that, I shut them, and I lay on my bed, still trying not to cry.

_Six years, and I still miss him. And I won't let him isolate._

 

 

 

 

 


	2. vodka

Stan's POV

_I tried to sleep. I've really tried. But that night - my mind was all full of Kyle. And I couldn't change it.  Not that I wanted to. I know he's different, I know he probably doesn't even care about me, I know all that shit. But I still can't just forget him. It's stupid. But I don't mind being stupid if that's what it takes to recover old friendship._

I wake up, checking my phone. After a few minutes, I get up and go downstairs heading straight to the kitchen. My mom is there, getting ready to work. She smiles as she notices me, and I don't even have a chance to say hello, because she interrupts me.

'' So what was that Kyle's visit yesterday? '' she asks, and I automatically get sadder.

'' Nothing. He needed to, uh, borrow something. '' I lie because I really don't want to have a conversation about him.

'' Oh, I see, '' she answers and packs up her lunch, '' I'll be home late tonight, don't wait with dinner. '' 

'' Okay... '' I say and watch her as she leaves the house. Just after that, I look at the kitchen shelves, and even if I wanted to - I can't eat anything right now. Not with all that Kyle situation. I go to the bathroom, to change my clothes, and just after that, I'm picking my backpack from upstairs.  As everything seems to be done - I leave the house, sending Kenny a quick text message, to wait for me in front of the school.

* * *

 As I arrive at school, I see Kenny's waving to me. I look around, searching for Kyle, but the results are negative. I decided to just go to my friend.

'' Woah dude, you look terrible. '' He says, with that ironic smirk on his face.

'' Nice to see you too. '' I answer with a quiet sigh. 

'' So how was this whole Kyle thing? Did you guys make out? '' Kenny asks after a few seconds, as we start going inside of the building.

'' What- '' 

'' Nevermind. How did it go? '' he asks again, and my face becomes sad. '' Oh, so I guess not well. ''

'' I don't know... He seems really distant, you know? I didn't want to press him too much, but I feel like he really changed, and I can't do anything with it... But I still want to, '' I start, still searching my surroundings for Kyle, '' Even if we were friends so long ago, I still miss him, and I can't just stop... And you need to help me with bringing him back to normal. '' 

'' Woaaah, isn't that, like, a responsibility? You know I'm not good with these. '' He answers, and I sigh. He says something more, but I can't really tell what is it, just because my eyes noticed Kyle at the stairs, in front of math class.

'' W-wait here... ''  I say, heading over straight to Kyle.

As he sees me, I can tell he's sad, so I sit in front of him, and his face is turning redder every second. I'm pretty much stressed out, and I can see that Kyle's too. After a few seconds, I decided to break the silence.

'' Is something wrong? '' I ask, and he just nods in answer.

As I try to continue, he stands up and walks away, so I try to follow him. Everyone is looking at us, I don't even know for what reason. The school bell rings, but it doesn't stop Kyle from walking out of the school. I look back to see Kenny's going to class. I decided to go after Kyle though, just in curiosity of what is he doing right now. As we are outside, he lays on a tree and looks at me with a sad smile.

'' So, Marsh, you won't stop torturing me, right? '' He asks, but it's pretty much for nothing because he starts to talk again, just when I want to answer, '' Look, I know what you want to do. I know you missed me, I missed you too, but please, just leave me alone. '' 

_He's so confident, that I don't even know if this is the same Kyle that I was talking to last evening._

'' I can't leave you alone, it's not what-'' I try to finish, but he starts to talk again.  
  


'' I'm not the same person. You don't want to talk with me, be around me, know me, the best for you would be to just walk away right now and stop thinking about it. Understand? ''

I feel like my throat squeezed again, and I've frozen again. His face is still really red, and I can feel he's stressed.

'' I still want to be your friend... '' I sigh, and he looks at me curiously, as his eyes open wider.

'' It's not like you can do everything you want to. And you should know that. So just leave me alone as I said, and there'll be no problem. ''  he repeats, but I can't listen to that. I'm still frozen, trying not to show him that I'm really unsure about this conversation. After a while, he sighs and starts to walk to the school again.

'' Kyle, I know you don't want to isolate. '' I say, second before he opens the door.

'' You don't know shit. '' He answers, and after opening the doors, he looks at me angrily. I walk closer to him, and as I want to say something more - he shuts them in front of my face. 

I feel like I'm going to cry, but I try not to think about it. I decided to skip the first lesson, just to think about a plan, to make him reason with me.

* * *

After forty-five minutes of the lesson, I enter the school again. I quickly move to Kenny, and he looks really shocked.

'' Thought you panicked and got back home, lol. ''  He says, and I pull him aside.

'' You need to talk to him. I will take his water, and add some vodka. I need him to feel worse, so I can offer to bring him home, and talk. Got it? '' I ask immediately, and he nods in answer. 

_At least he didn't ask why do I have vodka in school..._

We split, and as I see that Kyle is sitting on the stairs again, I quietly go behind him. Kenny is talking to him about some bullshit, so I have probably two minutes. As I reach his backpack, I quietly open it and take the bottle of water. I run to the toilet and lock myself inside there. I spill some of the water at the sink, and instead of it, I pour vodka inside of the bottle. I quickly turn it, and again I'm in the hallway. As Kenny's method to keep Kyle's attention is working, I put the water bottle back. I give him thumbs up, so he can stop, and I see as he says some bullshit again and leaves. After a few seconds, we meet in the back of hallway, so Kyle can't see us. 

'' That was fucking awesome. '' Kenny says, and I smile in answer. 

We wait until the break is over, and hope that Kyle was thirsty enough to drink. As the school bell rings again, Kenny goes to the classroom and I observe if Kyle's drinking. After a few seconds I lose my hope - but then I see, that he coughs. I quickly move to him - and I see that his hand is right on his mouth.

'' Something's wrong? '' I ask, pretending not to know about anything that might've happened. Kyle's not responding, so I take his backpack at my right shoulder, and I hold his hand. '' We'll go to the nurse, okay? Try not to vomit at me. ''  

He nods in approval, and I smirk.

_I told you I won't stop._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M GOING TO HELL FOR THAT


End file.
